We Were Going Out to Dinner: A Poem.

Pants, wine and the postpartum posterior.

We were going out to dinner,
And I thought, “I’d look much thinner
In the pants that stick my stomach to my spine”

But then I reconsidered,
As I’d want to stuff my gizzard
Full of steak and chips and cheese and cake and wine

So I found a dainty thong,
That I’d worn in days long gone
Lack of cloth would give my gut room for manoeuvre

But little did I know,
(I’d last worn thongs long ago)
Having kids had made my rear a big thong hoover

‘Plan Thong’ was misbegotten,
So, it extracted from my bottom,
I took action that made good sense to me

I’d sod the looking thinner,
I’d gorge myself at dinner
To aid digestion, I’d leave the house pants free

What a terrible mistake,
For after steak and chips and cake
I was the only one partaking in the wine

I fell right off my chair,
And my peachy derrière
Was all that could be seen for quite some time

Now I don’t want to sound vulgar,
But steak, chips and a vulva?
That’s not the dinner my companions had in mind

And now I’m finding I’m much thinner
Because my invites out to dinner
Are returned to me, invariably declined

36 thoughts on “We Were Going Out to Dinner: A Poem.

  1. josandelson says:

    THAT is hilarious! The whole thong thing passed me by personally but have seen enough at a distance for me to be able to imagine it perfectly – true or not:) You’re up there with Wendy Cope on the talent front.


  2. Lucy Benedict says:

    I LOVE that! Bloody brilliant, you’ve got a real talent for poetry. I know what you mean about being more nervous posting more creative stuff – I’ll blog about anything quite happily, but the stuff I’ve actually made up myself? Nyyyyyeaaahhhh. Feels like you’re putting yourself out there a bit too much.


    • Mary says:

      Thanks so much Lucy. I didn’t quite realise how ‘needy’ I am in when it comes to posting things – I breathe a huge sigh of relief when I get positive feedback. So, thanks again for your kind words. They encourage me to try more and more things out that push me out of my comfort zone.


    • Abby says:

      It was a shame but there were some really good entries so i am not disheartened. I find coming up with the idea of what to write poems about tricky, so I really like the comps as they often give you a theme. Maybe ‘see’ you at a competition 2014.


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