I want to dance with somebody. With somebody who loves me (or who can at least give me a great car insurance renewal quote).

She who writes posts on the importance of loving your money needs to practice what she preaches. As such, this week has been consumed by a feverish review of finances. So far £600pa has been shaved off our living expenses. This has been achieved by performing the ridiculous customer/insurance-provider dance that is the Renewal-Time-Tango. There has been so much dancing, my feet now hurt.

You know the tune of this dance: it’s a chirpy cheeky feet stomper of a melody that gets blared out to new customers, all  who leave the disco with full wallets and carrying free gifts. But for us loyal types, who have been hanging around the dance floor for over a year or two, the tune shifts to a minor key, and we start to get carelessly  shafted.

The experiences I endured whilst being forced to perform this sordid little renewal-dance led me to reflect (there is a lot of time to reflect while on hold), how the shafting is of the variety that only insurance companies and regretted ex-lovers are able to administer. Admittedly, an insurance company and a failed relationship may not have much in common on the surface. Yet there are no two encounters more able to leave one feeling used, unsatisfied, and  very very sad.

Trust me, the parallels are stark. So here, for any large insurance provider professing to want our continued custom, and any person wondering why their personal relationships keep failing, here is a handy list of ‘do’s and ‘don’ts’.

Do’s and don’t for [retaining customers/ensuring a loving and fulfilling relationship with another human being*]  *delete as appropriate

  • DO Pick up the phone. Promptly. We know you are there.
  • DON’T ask us to call if you are too busy to talk to us.
  • DO return our calls when you say you will.
  • DO respond to our emails. Or tell us never ever to send you an email. Or better still, just don’t give us your email address if you don’t want us to use it.
  • DO not call us if we ask you not to call us. We mean it.
  • DON’T lie to us. We know you can offer us better than that.
  • DON’T expect us to be delighted when, at a later date, you tell us you can offer us better than that.
  • DON’T keep sending new people who you fancy, who to date have shown no interest in  you,  vague promises of Twenty Five Pounds worth of supermarket vouchers in an attempt to woo them.
  • DO send us Twenty Five Pounds worth of supermarket vouchers. I know we’ve been together for a while, but it would be nice to be appreciated every now and then. Even if it is only sodding supermarket vouchers.
  • DO realise that if you put us through all of the above, we will need more than 14 days to cool off…
  • ….we will also tell all of our friends about how dissatisfied you left us…..
  • …..it won’t be pretty…..
  • ……. size (of premium or whatever else we are discussing here, I am getting confused) does matter. This will be discussed. Lots…..
  • ………in graphic detail and all over social media.
  • DO understand that once we leave, we won’t come back, however tempting an offer you present to us in the future.

Understood? Good.  Because my feet hurt. And my wallet hurts. And I don’t want my heart broken anymore. Or to have to be put on hold again. Or to stretch this analogy any further.

I’m lucky enough to have a husband who is happy for me to sit the odd dance out now and again, and to even rub my feet while we are sat there. Now I just need to find an insurance company who will do the same. Any offers?





10 thoughts on “I want to dance with somebody. With somebody who loves me (or who can at least give me a great car insurance renewal quote).

  1. Le Coin de Mel says:

    Oh I hate that time of the year when you have to make those tedious phone calls… Mid-June to August is the time I have to do all our renewals an I cannot stand the fact you have been with companies for years and still have to beg for discounts every year, or find a new insurance company and spend hours getting a new policy. Time wasted! Mel


    • Abby Boid says:

      I couldn’t agree more.
      We have somehow managed to arrange it so everything is up for renewal now, to coincide with seven important birthdays and the garden erupting into chaos!


    • Abby Boid says:

      I have seen both sides of the insurance company coin. I’ve worked for them. I’ve had to deal with them. As individuals, generally the people dealing on the claims side want to help out. But pressure from various ‘stakeholders’ or ridiculously complex procedures and systems just sometimes stop common sense prevailing. Really hope you get the claim sorted for the chimney fire, and I hope you are all OK – sounds incredibly traumatic.


    • Abby Boid says:

      Glad to have raised a giggle Adele. You have to laugh, don’t you, or we would all surely cry. Rather than shout, I put the kids on the line to them sometimes. That amuses me no end.


  2. Nell@PigeonPairandMe.com says:

    D does insurance, I do utilities….it’s all the same though, dancing to the same sordid tune. We’re both averagely busy, and are savvy enough to know how to play this game. But still we end up not quite dancing in time, and losing money as a result. It does make me wonder, if we lose money this way, what about all the people out there who can’t manage to work the system? And they’re probably the ones who need the extra cash the most…..


    • Abby Boid says:

      You are absolutely right – I know the system pretty well. I know to phone the sales line rather than the general queries line to avoid being put on hold for too long, for example, and various other bits and bobs. I realise firms have to make a bit of profit, if we want all of these services to be privatised, but there must surely be an easier way. Then everyone would be a winner, wouldn’t they?


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