Vote Monarchy: A Begging Letter to HRH Queen Elizabeth II

Dear Your Royal Highness

Myself and my colleagues here at the made up Think Tank known as O Hit Moos* are eager to advise you of the outcomes of our recent survey.

In a nutshell, Your Majesty, our survey indicates that you should consider running in the 2015 General Elections. Based on the outcomes of our in-depth, highly researched survey*, we are pretty sure you have a good chance of winning.

I won’t lie, Ma’am, me and the rest of the O Hit Moos Think Tank Group were most surprised by the outcomes of this survey. For years we have been passionate supporters of democracy, equality for all citizens, and earning one’s status through merit and hard work, rather than silver spoons and inherited privilege.

We thought a group of capable and committed politically minded folk in power via the consensus of an educated electorate was the way to achieve our aims. Turns out we might have been wrong. Somehow, the people we have elected undermine our democracy, care not a jot for equality, and have earned their status not through merit or hard work, rather via silver spoons and inherited privilege.

Ironic, don’t you think?

So if we are going to be governed by over privileged toffs, we would rather that the toffs of which we speak were respected, capable, and generally cared a little about this land currently devoid of hope and glory. We think you could be the woman for that job.

We do have a few reservations with this most surprising ‘Vote Monarchy’ suggestion. For example, you and your collective are hardly representative of the amazingly diverse community that is the UK. But let’s face it, what political party is? At least you aren’t UKIP. Or the National Front. Or the Front Nationals. Or the Front Bottoms. Or the Back to Fronts. Or the Nazis. Or whatever it is people scared of other people call themselves nowadays (don’t worry, our experts-in-spin can put the Edward VIII problem down to him being a black sheep. All families have them).

You seem able to get on with people from all walks of life (although we accept we may need to work on Philip’s marketability). The Philip issue aside, working people love you, people on benefits love you, rich people love you, bigoted people – either of the shaved head or Farage variety – love you, people who like street parties love you, people who like the Olympics love you, charitable folk love you, the armed forces love you, children love you, the sick love you. You get the picture?

We suspect that the die-hard democratic idealists may be a bit taken aback by these proposals. However, if you were in charge because we had all voted for you, they could hardly complain. In the meantime, we have a quote that those right-on-rascals might like, and that could also serve as a handy election slogan

It’s not the power that She represents, it’s the power that She prevents**

Nice eh?

Under your leadership, even European countries might develop a soft spot for us again. Imagine if you walked in to Brussels as our London MEP. Merkel would be crapping her pants. They’d give you the scissors to cut all that red tape. You’re good at cutting tape and ribbons and all of that aren’t you?

We are not entirely sure how you can help address the Russian issue. Or Syrian issue. Or Afghanistan issue. Or all the other issues we are currently floundering with. On the plus side, American Presidents adore you, so perhaps now and then they will take your lead on who to invade rather than visa versa. You’re already so rich and powerful, they won’t be able to corrupt you with the lure of oil, yachting holidays, or high fees on the guest speaker circuit.

There is more, much more. Charles has the environmentalist votes covered. You give a majestic nod to the women vote. Kate ticks the vote of the common people. Indeed, since the arrival of Kate us commoners can now see we have more chance of marrying into the Monarchy than we ever have of becoming part of the Cabinet. You could, peculiarly, pave the way towards that level playing field that has evaded us for so long.

We are sensitive to the fact that the running of the whole country has not always ended well for your relatives. But how about this for an idea: you bring a bit of X Factor type hype to the Queen’s speech every Christmas (Ant and Dec, buzzers, phone votes), and we won’t ever chop off your head. How could we? We will be too enthralled!

Finally, what are the long-term benefits for you? Well, to be honest, once you are voted in you could probably get away without holding an election ever again. Most of your citizens can’t be arsed to vote anyway, so they wouldn’t mind if you just told them not to bother.

And there you have it, Bob’s your Uncle, George’s your Father, bing bang bosh, jobs for life for your lineage for generations to come.

In summary , we think the Monarchy Party, the real ‘MPs’, have a great opportunity to get back in charge of this funny little Island. What do you say? Let me know. I’ll get the bunting ready in anticipation.

God save us, gracious Queen

Yours, your faithful subject

Cogito Ergo Mum

* “O Hit Moos” is the acronym for the “Our House in the Middle of Our Street” Think Tank.  Attendees at the steering committee, that was an impromptu meeting held over the May Bank Holiday, may or may not have consumed a few bottles of cheap red while developing these proposals. We by no means speak for everyone. Or even anyone. We just want people to vote, and we want to vote for someone who puts the good of the country, and the wonderful variety of people who live in it, and its global responsibilities ahead of their strange little personal agendas. Anyone out there with any better views on how this can be achieved, then get in touch.

**I think this is a famous quote but I don’t know the source. Any ideas?

 

5 thoughts on “Vote Monarchy: A Begging Letter to HRH Queen Elizabeth II

  1. Clare Flourish says:

    This Edward Gibbon quote is long, but apropos and quite fun:

    Of the various forms of government which have prevailed in the world, an hereditary monarchy seems to present the fairest scope for ridicule. Is it possible to relate without an indignant smile, that, on the father’s decease, the property of a nation, like that of a drove of oxen, descends to his infant son, as yet unknown to mankind and to himself; and that the bravest warriors and the wisest statesmen, relinquishing their natural right to empire, approach the royal cradle with bended knees and protestations of inviolable fidelity? Satire and declamation may paint these obvious topics in the most dazzling colors, but our more serious thoughts will respect a useful prejudice, that establishes a rule of succession, independent of the passions of mankind; and we shall cheerfully acquiesce in any expedient which deprives the multitude of the dangerous, and indeed the ideal, power of giving themselves a master.

    In the cool shade of retirement, we may easily devise imaginary forms of government, in which the sceptre shall be constantly bestowed on the most worthy, by the free and incorrupt suffrage of the whole community. Experience overturns these airy fabrics, and teaches us, that in a large society, the election of a monarch can never devolve to the wisest, or to the most numerous part of the people. The army is the only order of men sufficiently united to concur in the same sentiments, and powerful enough to impose them on the rest of their fellow-citizens; but the temper of soldiers, habituated at once to violence and to slavery, renders them very unfit guardians of a legal, or even a civil constitution. Justice, humanity, or political wisdom, are qualities they are too little acquainted with in themselves, to appreciate them in others. Valor will acquire their esteem, and liberality will purchase their suffrage; but the first of these merits is often lodged in the most savage breasts; the latter can only exert itself at the expense of the public; and both may be turned against the possessor of the throne, by the ambition of a daring rival.

    The superior prerogative of birth, when it has obtained the sanction of time and popular opinion, is the plainest and least invidious of all distinctions among mankind. The acknowledged right extinguishes the hopes of faction, and the conscious security disarms the cruelty of the monarch. To the firm establishment of this idea we owe the peaceful succession and mild administration of European monarchies.

    Like

    • Abby Boid says:

      That is fabulous Clare! Thank you so much for sending on. Going to read it again and again while trying to work out what on earth I think we could do with to move ever onwards and hopefully upwards.

      Like

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