“New Survey Reveals Link Between Half-Baked Advice and Parents Feeling Annoyed”, says Expert.

A long-term study has pointed to a link between half-baked surveys, and mothers feeling generally fucked off.

The research by Dr Cog, a blogger with the sole aim of generating a bit of traffic to her website, reveals that pretty much every parent on the planet, from all walks of life, wishes ‘experts’ would keep their opinions  to themselves unless they know for sure that their ‘advice’ will be helpful to most parents.
In a recent survey of a handful of  mothers Dr Cog says the results, while not conclusive, appear to back current evidence that any old shit on parenting seems to get in the Lancet, and who has time to read the flipping Lancet anyway when you are trying to raise an actual human being, rather than a healthy statistic?

But, she says, experts should still have a choice whether or not to publish divisive, undermining, unhelpful tat. It’s just a shame the media gives it the time of day.

Regarding the findings – published on this blog – she stresses there are many half-baked surveys that insult a parent’s intelligence, although to avoid skewing the data too much, she did try to rule out the main known triggers of ‘how to piss off a Mum’, such as studies on breastfeeding, nut allergies, and taking holidays in term time.

Dr Cog, from the Federal University of Cogito Ergo Mum in Blogville, said her study offers a unique insight because in the population of her mates that she studied, everyone agreed with what she says regardless of socio-economic background.

Most of the mothers, irrespective of social class, were lectured to constantly about how best to raise their newborn – some for less than a month and others for more than a year.

Those who were lectured for longer scored higher on measures of general fucked off-ness.

But Dr Cog does say the study findings cannot confirm this and that much more research is needed to explore any possible link between shoddy advice and parents feeling crap about life. What all experts do agree on, however, is that publishing anything on how women perform their roles in society generally, makes the aforementioned experts famous AND undermines the confidence of new parents, especially mothers, and therefore women. What’s not to love?

Dr Blah, national director of Blagging One’s Way to the Top, said there was strong evidence that if he provided a comment on any article on how best to parent, he would generate some publicity for his department. He kindly recognised that mothers do have a choice in what they do, and whatever choice they make he will be happy to provide someone who can produce a study that judges their parenting skills to be sub-standard.

The Royal College of New Mums said “New mothers need support, not a load of bollocks shoved down their necks at every opportunity. But we can’t do much to help them, because they keep cutting our funding”.

Professor Austerity, chairman of the Royal College of Making cuts, said: “Isn’t it weird that in these tough times, there is still a budget for allowing people to publish half-baked facts? But what do I care, I’m famous now. I’ll probably get a pay rise!!!!”

It is important to note that divisive surveys by ‘experts’ is one of many factors that can contribute to a new parent’s general fucked off-ness. Poor day time telly scheduling, no sleep, and no milk in to make a cup of tea also have an impact. However this study emphasises the need for parents to ignore all ill-considered ‘advice’, and instead suggests we focus on the provision of support to all new mothers based on information tailored to their individual needs and the needs of their children.

But that would make new mums, and women in general, feel good about themselves. Where’s the fun in that?

________

This post was drafted with a little help from this article on breastfeeding on the BBC website.

9 thoughts on ““New Survey Reveals Link Between Half-Baked Advice and Parents Feeling Annoyed”, says Expert.

  1. SouthwarkBelle says:

    sniggering at my desk (in my lab) brilliant! Although in defense of scientists what is actually said on these publications often bares little resemblance to what ends up in the uni press release which is then regurgitated unquestioningly by half the journos and hyped wildly by the rest. Especially if it’s anything to do with women’s bodies!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Abby Boid says:

      i so hoped this would find its way to you.
      Most interesting what you say about how the press releases differ so much from the publications. How utterly frustrating for everyone. But hey, glad it made you snigger a little 🙂

      Like

  2. weebluebirdie says:

    Well played 🙂 This expert strongly believes that it is the poor quality of daytime TV which has led to widespread dissatisfaction among mothers and young children. Furthermore it is the relentless onslaught of programmes about property buying which artificially inflated the housing market leading directly to the global financial collapse of 2008. It is anticipated that future generations will be unable to purchase a Wendy House.

    Like

  3. gluestickmum says:

    Holy shit, Batman! That article was such a crock of instantiated poo that I suspect it will make the front page of the Daily Mail before the end of the week.
    Your response, however, was a delight!

    Like

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