This time next week, all the kids will be back to school. Just need to do a few checks to make sure we are ready, organised and prepared.
- Uniform purchased – tick
- Name labels sorted – check
- Nit comb located – you bet
- Kids doomed to fail – aah. Not sure I’ve done everything in my power to ruin their chances of a decent education.
Let’s just review:
- Give birth to boys, who always struggle until A levels at least, at which point their confidence is in tatters – DONE
- Give birth to summer born boys – DONE
- Avoid private school, public school, free schools, forest schools, and home schooling – DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE
- Live far out of the catchment area of the Outstanding state secondary schools – DONE
- Stress them while I test them on spelling and times tables and phonics tests and SATS – D.O.N.E. DONE
- Don’t take them on term time holidays, thus depriving them of the life affirming experience of the all inclusive sun-sea-sand break – DONE IT
- Take them on term time holidays and subject them to safeguarding issues and general schooling tragedy – GONNA DO IT
- Educate them within British borders rather than moving to the educational nirvana that is Iceland. Or Finland. Or Norway. Or whatever cold, dark country with expensive beer we all wish English schools were more like this year – DONE DIDDLY DONE DONE DONE WITH HERRING ON THE TOP
Check me! I sure am a winner at ensuring my family are losers when it comes to their education. I should be proud. Although really, which children aren’t subject to at least some of the ingredients that form the recipe of educational woe?
Was Bjork summer born?
It’s irrelevant. I can’t just go around giving birth to Bjork in order to secure a perfect education for my kids.
What I can do is ignore every study, every survey, every graph and every report telling me everything what works against us. Instead, I can focus on what the kids have got.
They’ve got them, they’ve got me, they’ve got friends, they’ve got family, they’ve got a wonderful, free, state school education on their door step. They’ve got well trained teachers who give a damn. They’ve got that irritating human quality of being untame-able, unpredictable, unfathomable. They’ve got Venus as a Boy, big time sensuality, a tendency to be violently happy and……
sorry…..all gone a bit Bjork again.
Regardless, you get the picture.
We’ve got our uniform, our labels, our nit combs and the exciting, wonderful, rewarding, sometimes frustrating, sometimes stressful, always life affirming state provided formal education at the ready.
As Bjork says, in fairness probably more in reference to a highly physical love affair than the commencement of a child’s state education
i can sense it
is about to happen
it’s coming up
it takes courage to enjoy it
Well I’m feeling couragous.
Now….where did I put that swan frock?