When it comes to how best to parent, what is ‘the truth’?
As parents, we tirelessly strive to teach to tell the truth. The truth is good. To lie is bad. It is more important to many of us that our kids grow up to live a real, truthful life than a happy one.
But when it comes to living a life full of purpose, where our kids can find contentment and where they can flourish, what is the ‘right’ way? What is the ‘truth’ when it comes to parenting?
If you could pop into your time machine to visit Plato, he’d assure you that there is one ‘truth’ when it comes to being a Mum. One perfect ‘form’ of a parent floating around somewhere in the ether. While we could never ever be that perfect form, it is up to us to look into the light and find that form for ourselves, and to then try our best to eminate it.
This image of the perfect parent is often what we feel we need to strive towards. It’s why we sometimes cling to the Gina Fords and Baby Whisperers and Biddulphs and stats and surveys and articles telling us the ‘truth’ of how to get the the kids to sleep, eat and be happy.
We try to do what we are told, to emanate the truth. We fail. We feel terrible. We detest those who claim ‘it worked for me’, those perfect parents. The truth of the matter is we can’t do it. We just aren’t good enough.
That, though, just is not true.
When it comes to all aspects of being human – creativity, language, humour, seeking justice, engineering – the idea that there is just one right way is nonsense.
It’s not to say anything goes – clearly, that is not right. It’s more like those blind guys trying to describe the elephant based upon what they were feeling: one describes a snake-like creature, the other a wall, the other a tree trunk, the other a swishing rope. They all speak the truth yet they all describe such different things.
Parenting, like the elephant, is such a big topic that it is impossible to say there is one true version of how to do it. It depends not just on the thing we are trying to understand (being a Mum or Dad) but our perspective, our upbringing, our circumstances, our genes, our temperament and the kids’ whims and wishes.
How to do it best depends on a detailed understanding of all these subtleties and little differences that make this hugely common condition such a unique experience to each of us. Only I can ever really understand what makes up my version of being a Mum. Sure information from others can be incredibly helpful, but the information provided by someone else cannot ever amount to the truth of how I should approach raising my kids. Only I can work that out. Scary, eh?
Anybody who tries to undermine our confidence by suggesting their version of the truth is going to guarantee us happiness or ‘success’ as a parent ought to be treated with suspicion.
The truth is you are a loving parent, a good person, perfect because of and not in spite of your imperfections.
It’s daunting but you can review all the information out there and determine the truth for yourself.
You can do it because you are human, and that is what being human is all about, isn’t it?
___________________
Cogito Ergo Mum 
Hello. I am trying to compile a list of what makes an outstanding teacher from a parents point of view. I would love you to add your contribution to this google document. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kLBHg777NEKXfB3kB8OUf3_OrrEPIIF2BundMmsPtIk/edit?usp=sharing
I am trying to collect 100 responses – might be a bit ambitious but I am hopeful. Many Thanks. David
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’d love to. I’ll see what I can do…
LikeLike
Great.
LikeLike
Very thought provoking. I’ve had to wrestle with the idea of being “perfect” as a parent. Still do, on occasion!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think we all do at time to time. I think sometimes we tend to forget that in the vast majority of cases we are the perfect parent for our own kids. Thanks for commenting x
LikeLike
Thank you for so eloquently describing why no parenting ‘bible’ is a match for us all! The elephant analogy is perfect. Parenting is just too big for any one ‘blind man’ to understand (and aren’t we all at least partially blind when it comes to raising children??). Yay philosophy!
LikeLike
hee hee – yay for philosophy indeed! i guess i’d rather be a little blind than totally blinkered!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Again: nicely put!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Forget Plato! I never really tried to be perfect, only to do my best. Maybe because my parents taught me well!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Plato? Pah! Who’s he? Consider him forgotten. Thanks for popping by.
LikeLike
I don’t have kids but I hope I would trust myself if I did. Thanks for sharing on yeah write!
LikeLike
I reckon you would! Thanks for the comment – taken me a year to pluck up courage to link to yeah write!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Parenting is hard! I used to struggle because I always doubted myself. Always thought I wasn’t giving my 100%. These days, I go with the flow and my kids are still good. So, taking it a little easy and living life
LikeLike
i think there is so much pressure placed on parents, usually by someone trying to sell us something. Going with the flow – I like that!
LikeLike
Parenting… I like to mostly think I’m just trying to do my best but that might not always be true.
LikeLike
hee hee – i reckon it is most likely spot on!
LikeLike
There’s a lot to assimilate and sink in about parenting. It gets real scary sometimes but you have mentioned some of the important things to note. Thanks for sharing
LikeLike
Ironically the perfect parent is indeed imperfect. Also the truth will out…
LikeLike