The last bits: A Poem for Christmas

Step away from my stollen…

Got a big turkey
Got a large tree
Got the best Christmas pudding
Got gammon for tea
Got cheese, got the pickles,
Got cake and biscuits
Now I just need to buy a few bits

Got enough crackers
The stockings are up
There’s logs on the fire
There’s sherry to sup
Written to Santa
Got an outfit that fits
I could just do with buying more bits

Wrapped all the prezzies
Made the last post
Polished the glasses
Got fizz for the toast
The halls are all decked
The lights are all lit
But when will I buy those last bits?

Dad pours an ale
Mum sips a gin
Nan necks a cider
The kids’ film begins
Aunt says to Uncle
“You look a bit p*ssed”
What’s wrong with them all? WE NEED BITS

I dash to the food hall
I’m hit with a bag
“Grab those last figs”
“That’s my stollen, you slag”
I’m rammed with a trolley
“Move it you pricks,

At last it is done
The shopping’s complete
The cupboards are full
The pantry’s replete
We could safely ride out
The apocalypse:
Thank goodness I bought those last bits







9 thoughts on “The last bits: A Poem for Christmas

  1. pigeonpairandme says:

    Christmas just isn’t the same without all those bits! They’re helping me through Moody Monday right now. Mmmm yum….turkish delight….


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