Kim Kardashian took a naked selfie, and yesterday social media couldn’t stop talking about it. However, it wasn’t her nudity that concerned me. It was the beige-ness of her bathroom.
Clearly, I’m not above gawping at nude folk. Clearly I saw a headline that said ‘Someone is totally naked on instagram’ and I thought I’d sneak a peak. And there it was:
Someone naked, looking fabulous, in a really, really boring bathroom.
Once I’d stopped wondering why someone so wealthy would choose a decor-palette of fifty shades of beige, I started to have a good oggle at the pics.
Fab bosoms. Fab bum. Fab belly. Yummy.
But amongst the hollering of the part of my brain delighting in the wonders of a wondrous body, a quieter voice in my head started whispering its loaded questions:
“Does a fab body a fab person make?”
“Is this flaunting of one’s flesh right?”
“Does this image undermine women?
“Isn’t Kim Kardashian just an attention seeking slut?”
STOP IT, I yelled. With that, that little voice shut her mouth and sloped off, sulkily.
But it did get me thinking.
I do care too much what people think, hence the swimming costume. But on the plus side there is nothing beige about my bathroom
Turned out it got lots of other people thinking too. Well, it got them tweeting and surely that’s nearly as good, right?
Concerned, thoughtful individuals wondered if a role model such as Kim shouldn’t be teaching women that we are more than ‘just’ a body.
This to me has always seemed a ridiculous thing to say: we are all of us clearly ‘just’ bodies – ‘just’ amazing bodies that happen to beautifully misfire to create thoughts, thoughts that we often waste on worrying what other people do with their bodies.
Privileged procrastinators wondered if Kim, with her honey-coloured curves, should be ashamed for making us less fortunate feel so, well, ugly.
Although I’ve always found this odd too – “Stephen Hawking Told To Shut It For Fear Of Making The Rest Of Us Feel Stupid” is not a headline I’ve seen yet. And I’m yet to feel ashamed for writing this half-baked blog rather than producing a sequel to “A Brief History Of Time.” Why can’t we celebrate great bodies like we celebrate great minds?
Experts in morality (trolls) proclaimed “Kim Kardashian is a whore who I can’t ever dream of fucking/who my husband always dreams of fucking so she should just fuck right off.” I always find these type of cogitations particularly enlightening.
Amongst all these flabby, ill conceived, bitter minds, towers Kim’s luminous body. I’d rather have her faultless thighs than those flawed-thoughts any day.
This notion that ideas, no matter how poor, are more noble than the bodies that produce them has always perplexed me. And now it seems we find ourselves in a confused mess as to whether or not someone can post a picture of themselves naked in their boring beige bathrooms.
I didn’t have to open that pic and neither did you.
And not that she cares what I think, and surely that is her crowing glory, I’ll say this for the record:
Kim, you look lovely love. Now, get that bathroom sorted.