Cracks

How I learned that the more cracks appear, the stronger we can become (hopefully).

Photo by Brad Helmink on Unsplash

When you strip your life bare, strip it of familiar people, things, places, and habits, the cracks that all of these things quietly held together fracture a little more and become painfully more apparent.

When you strip your life bare of everything other than your marriage and the part that you play in your nuclear familiar, it’s natural that your eyes will be drawn to the cracks in these things.

When the future ahead of you is as bright as the sun in the new sky you find yourself beneath, and as vast and as empty as the desert that surrounds you, it’s normal to be blinded by that light, and to not be able to picture your place in this future and its infinite possibilities.

We have left our roots and our foundations. We are at a point where we wonder quite frequently how can these cracks, if left unsupported, not lead to our collapse?

To distract ourselves, we spend a little while making the most of the lack of ties that bound us before we left for the UAE: we explore, we travel, we are beholden to nobody but ourselves.

We create memories and shared experiences that in time will grow like a happy-scaffolding around what sometimes feels like a crumbling facade. But memories can take a while to accumulate.

We try our best to support each other from within our home, but sometimes we fail in this because either we don’t understand the other’s concerns or we are too caught up with our own internal dilemmas to help each other.

We continue to talk but sometimes we just don’t understand what the other is saying, or we disagree with their perception of how things are.

Sometimes we are just tired. Or homesick. Or ashamed to not be making the most of all we have.

Fatigued and a little melancholy, we stop exploring and travelling. We impose a vague routine, and we reconnect with people outside of our small unit of five. We reintroduce banality, familiarity, minor squabbles and chores. We talk a little less and listen a little more. Often we are just quiet.

We play, we eat together and we sleep and we sleep and we sleep. When we wake up, we find ourselves firmly landed in a new-normal rather than simply in something new.

Through rested eyes, we spot a few more cracks have appeared. We continue on our journey and we don’t know if it is because of these cracks or in spite of them, but we think — we hope — we might be stronger than we were before.

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