How others perceive you is far much more a part of you than most of us might care to think. I started this blog in 2013 as an antidote to that: I no longer liked who I was becoming, or – at least – I no longer liked who you thought I was.
In the years before this blog, I embodied all the cliches of a 20 something with the ‘successful’ career. The only juggling I was required to do was the lap top and the large latte. I recall a filofax. I thought life was hard sometimes, but it wasn’t really.
Weekly, my patch could cover a radius stretching from the south coast, to Edinburgh, with detours via Canary Wharf along the way. But as my belly and then my babies grew, the rest of my world shrunk unimaginably. Where previously I’d quaffed fizz in various airport lounges in various continents, now I struggled to get myself and the double buggy out of the door, across the road and to the parent and toddler group. Once while at the baby group, I fished a piece of plum out of my 18 month old’s mouth to find it wasn’t a plum at all. It was a slug. I calmed myself on a lidl brand hob nob and finally accepted things had changed.
Not only had things changed, but you thought I had too. You knew who I was and I hated how you had me down, so I decided to put a few things down for myself. At the age of 37 I started to write, and out of from beneath the nappies emerged Cogito Ergo Mum.
It wasn’t a desire to be a blogger, or an influencer, or a writer that brought me here. It was a need to connect with the world on my terms. Not only did Cogito Ergo Mum allow me to do just that, but she then nudged me towards doors that I was never meant to go through. We snuck in together.
Through those doors, I’ve chatted with Mary Poppins, found joy in a steam cleaner, and had a poem I once wrote set to music and appear on a stage somewhere in Sydney. I’ve spoken alongside some of my heroes, and been introduced by one of the nations anti-heroes – Piers Morgan – when I did a bit of Vox-Popping on GMB. I’ve written guest posts and featured many times on the front pages of many parenting websites. Once I exposed my vulva.
I ‘m back in paid work now in jobs that aren’t glamour, but are golden – to me at least. It’s no longer fools gold I pursue, instead it’s the real deal: real balance, considered meaning, true values.
Cogito Ergo Mum’s never gone viral (although she once caught quite a cold) and she will never make me rich, nor famous, but she’s shifted the world’s perception of me a teeny, tiny fraction, and that’s all it took for me to like not so much who I think I am, but what you see.
In my teeny, supporting role in the theatre of life, Cogito Ergo Mum helps me like the part that I play. I hope she can help you too.