4am thoughts on the little boy’s birthday

There’s a little boy’s birthday in the house tomorrow. Actually, it’s today – it’s 4am here at the moment.

It’s not sugar crafting and gift wrapping that awoke me, with that un-pinnable downable anxiety that creeps in if you wake between 3 and 5. It’s something more. It’s the overwhelming burden of being a Mum. Pinterest is good for hacks on cake decorating and gift making: parenting existential birthday angst? Not so much. Continue reading

We’re Not Bored Son, We’re Buffering

The kids are watching some film or other on Netflix when I hear them sigh. When I investigate I see the circle on the screen spinning round and round. Inundated with info and struggling to find space or capacity or to hear itself above all the other techno babble, the computer is buffering.

“I’m bored” moans the 7 year old when faced with this momentary glitch in his passive entertainment. “Being bored” is a new phrase for him, and a thoroughly depressing one at that. I feel a pang of shame: how did I let this happen? Continue reading

Politics: what do you know?

When I was 4 there were some things that I knew.

I knew 1+1 = 2. I knew living in an intergenerational family set up behind the sweet shop that we ran was awesome. I knew Father Christmas existed. I knew the Tories were evil. I knew that you all knew this too.

I wasn’t actually sure what ” the Tories” was. I knew what it looked like: Margaret Thatcher. Continue reading

A story that illustrates how you are told you live in a free country, but you don’t really, and you realise you are pretty glad about this.

This morning when I awoke, I was still feeling a little tired, and the kids were acting a little wired. To take the edge off, I sprinkled a little hash on top of their Weetabix and I snorted a line of cocaine.

Once breakfast was complete, with the kids chilled out and me pumped up and ready to go, we got to work. The 6 year old got to work cleaning the gun cupboard while I paid the pimp and said goodbye to the whores who had entertained myself and the husband so pleasurably last night. Continue reading